How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
