Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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