I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize