O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
