My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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