If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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