Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
