Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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