you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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