..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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