It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
