I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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