Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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