Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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