i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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