he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
