Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
