Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize