id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
