Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
