I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
