Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
