also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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