bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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