I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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