are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
