A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
