yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
