Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
