first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
