You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
