I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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