I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
