At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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