So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
