My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
