Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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