Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
