i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
