NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
