i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
