im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
