The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
