it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She even gives head with a lisp.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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