I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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