You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
