Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
