that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
