I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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