thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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