FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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