We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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