youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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