I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
