they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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