??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cannot find my penis.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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