Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
