Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
