just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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