Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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