Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
