last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
