TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
