My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
