Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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