seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
