my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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