whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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