She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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