So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
