I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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