Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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