I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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