Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
