At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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