Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
