I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
