I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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