I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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