I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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