You work out of a Hotel?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
