I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
