I want to have your abortion
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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