I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
