Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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