i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
