I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
