Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
