Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
