Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
