I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the condom got lost in my hair
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
