I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
