you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
