I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
