Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
