And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
