as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
