His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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