she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Terrible idea I love it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize