it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
