I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
